Ambien

The night I did Ambien was also the night that I got caught smoking weed by my parents. I ended up handing over my stash of 2c-e that had just arrived in the mail that day. But before it all went to hell, it was pretty fun. 


Ambien please – 4/30/2010

9:37pm  I dosed 10mg of Ambien CR

9:47pm Wow, I just felt uplifted into it

9:52pm Need to pee

9:56pm I feel my mind furl into a windstorm of conhoffle facington.

10:02pm Im in a heavenly tear duct of a bean brussel sprout mcgee town

10:10pm I took 10mg more

10:28 I want to write.

no gravity

thats the feeling

then we'll meet up in an aircafe

and we'll drink tea and have nice treats and just blow marshmallws at eachother

and no one will have to pay taxes

i will just form my own reality outside the dephts of a sodering iron

J is ervery dian

were on a train

and the train's tracks are going wrong ways

and then they let the trains have new england

and everyone else sits back to train cash to gold

whellpso.

I Love You, MDMA.

The first time I did MDMA, it was by myself. I was doing it with J, but we were only doing it "together" by the meaning of he had his pill from the same batch, but he was across the country. I won't go into detail about how he got the pill. ;)

Here's what I managed to write:

July 27, 2009 

One Blue Puma taken at 8:00p.m., sublingual, chewed, swallowed.

SOooooo I just wanted to talk about al ot of things, for one I can’t believe I am the way that I am, I have never typed so fast before, I’m worried that my computer keyboard can’t take it, roling at school would be difficult

My neighbors are aliens and I just realized it

Im so in my head

Okay so they are like, they have this kid and he look like an alien and they moved in not long before I di that 2ce, and its like, I was so wrried about the aliens getting me because they can sense high seratonin and that’s how they get ppl, because those ppl are already seen as “crazy” because they have high seratonin levels and they can’t help it, like, that’s just how they are, so the aliens get em, and do stuff to them, like fu ck with them, I really think earth is just a little play site for aliens, maybe aliens created earth, maybe they put drugs here just soothe smart humans could be picked out by their high seratonin levels, and they pull the humans out, and they tweak with them, like take blood and run tests for a night, ten put them back,a nd no one believes them because they are already carzy kids, its like “w/e youre just making it up” but I will always believe those seratonin packed pppl who say that they’ve sene aliens, I’m luck y ihaven’t been picked up yet, I think I just stumb led into this world on purpose, I don’t mean to do drug, well syes I do, but wow id idn’t think I’d be this fun for them oh gooooooodddddd this roll is nice

So I was watching fifty pill today and I was watching the guy roll and he was talking about different strokes or however its called and it wsas sooo silly

I love J a lot, like a lot. Wow. A lot. I want to marry him. He’s great. I love him. He stands by me no matter what. He’s a great guy. I want him to be my husband. You only choose one. Ihe’s my one. I’m so happy that I met him. He’s godly. 

DXM: Upper Plateaus

In a few months' time, I felt ready to take on higher plateaus of DXM. My favorite plateau is a low-mid third, specifically 8 Coricidin Cold & Cough and one 4 oz bottle of syrup. Kroger's store brand is actually really easy to get down. I guess I'm lucky because I've been dexing for a year and a half and I don't have trouble with downing cough syrup or gels. Although, I cannot stand Zicam, and I can't take 2c-e without gagging. Go figure.

Note: Text written in [brackets] are side notes added at the time of compiling this blog entry.

1st 3rd Plateau Trip, May 2, 2009

Wow. Let me just say that as I type this I am haunted by the fucking nastiest smell of vomit ever, at my feet. This is written in the afterglow of a god damn whatthefuck trip.

11:17 p.m. 

    Took just over 700mg of DXM via 1.5 bottles of RoboGels and a little more than ½ a bottle of RoboCough Syrup.

  I was chatting on Ventrilo, Stickam, and MSN messenger.

11:47

  It starts kicking in, harder than hell. I swear every time I do this it comes on even faster than the time before.

12:07 ...

So nauseous that I had to lay down

(The rest of these times are rough approximations)

12:20 

 That shit hit me SO FUCKING HARD. I know it could have been worse but still.. Okay, so I barfed. Like five barfs in a row. I looked over at my trashcan thinking “Wow I should really go get that trash can so I’m not attempting to clean up barf when I’m fucking gone.”

Before I could manage to pull myself up, I just leaned over and HURRRRRRRKKKKKKEEEDDDDD all over the floor in front of me. I remember it splashing on my feet and me not caring. There was no pain in barfing like there usually is. It just poured out of me over and over again like a demon spirit.

 I kept thinking I could see ‘shards of glass’ in my vomit. When inspected later, I found out that it was noodles from lunch, when I had Thai food. The barf was bright red/pink, and I think I yacked 5 or 6 times there. I threw up right next to a sticker off of some clothes, so I thought I had thrown the sticker up, too, which confused me.

Somehow I managed to throw a towel over the mess and sprayed some Febreeze on it.

12:30 am 

I tried calling a friend but to no avail. I also dialed the number “13” by accident. Eventually J got a hold of me and I proceeded to talk to him for as long as I can remember.

 Once I could answer the phone and started talking to J, I left my computer. I kept asking him if I was online, and he would tell me no.

[Looping thoughts galore with this trip. It was very difficult for me.]

12:45 am 

 I staggered over and shut my laptop. With the last of my sensibility I managed to put it in my school bag and zip it up, AND move the bag out of my way. At the time I didn’t understand why I did this, other than an inexplicable urge. 

Thinking back, I’m glad I did that, otherwise I could have broken my laptop, and I would have definitely tripped over the bag where it was before.

1:00 am 

 I was afraid to get off of the phone with J because I thought I wouldn’t be able to find my phone again and I would be alone on this devastatingly intense trip.

 He told me that I was stuck in loops around this time, asking if he really loved me, why he loved me, if we would be together forever, if we would get married, what time it was….  And I was always so pissed off when he would tell me only a few minutes had passed. But he did tell me that he loved me and that I was beautiful and we were meant to be, and that he would marry me and we would be together forever. 

[Look where we are now ;D]

2:00 am The dogs

 barked and barked and barked all night. I thought that it was because they knew I was fucked (it seems like the dogs always make the most noise when I'm trying to trip). My mother kept waking up up and it was crazy. I took the dogs out and brought them in, like, twice while I was dexed.

At one point the house would not stop kreaking and it was freaking me the fuck out. My room started turning into a grid and would twist and turn as waves of psychosis washed over me.

2:30 am 

 My mother came in my room and was talking to me. I wondered if it was a hallucination. She asked if there was someone in my closet and she asked about the chair that my friends and I found by the Wildlife Preserve in our town. The conversation went like this:

o   “Why are those dogs barking!?”

o   “I don’t know mom.”

o   “Get off the phone”

o   “ What do you mean? I’m off the phone.”

o   “Where did that chair come from?”

o   “(A) gave it to me”

o   “Where did (A) get it?”

o   “We found it.”

o   “What? Where?”

o   “We were driving and we saw it and we got it”

o   “That’s filthy. That chair stinks. Why would you bring it here?”

o   “Im sorry, mom. I’ll do it tomorrow.”

And then she left, which I was glad for. I kept trying to sit up to see if she was sitting with me, and I thought for sure she knew I was dexed. I thought she would be sitting in my chair, watching me, waiting for me to try to call J back, or to show proof that I was dexed. I shoved my box under my bed further and curled up and shut my eyes, unable to sleep, waiting for 20 minutes until I finally felt safe enough to call J back.

3:00 am 

I was just talking to J and telling him how I felt and what was going on. I told him a big long story about some clients I had worked with and some details about my life that were really irrelevant. I also told him about my exes. He told me that he talked about his exes too, but I was so far gone that I couldn’t remember a word he said. I felt bad.

4:00 am 

 I finally got off the phone with J, since he was really tired and I was determined to get some sleep.

 I laid in bed for at least another hour (not sure of the time I passed out exactly), fighting my mind. My heart was beating crazy fast and I didn’t know what to do, I kept trying to breath slower and deeper and try to calm down, but it was out of my control. I attempted to call my friend Fallen and ask him what to do, but there was a 420chan meet up for him the same night, there was no way I was getting through to him. I thought for sure there was no way I would survive this trip.[mentally]

I kept thinking that I was going to wake up in rehab or my mom would be like “So… What were you on last night?”

 Finally, I managed to put everything to the back of my head (or maybe I just blacked out completely?) and fell asleep. I woke up at 10 a.m. the next day, Still a little woozy but It was just the afterglow.

I have a new appreciation for sobriety now. Always respect the DXM.

8^th Trip: May 7, 2009

Woke up late, at noon, and rushed to dose 600mg in pills and syrup. I had wanted to wake up earlier so that I wouldn't run into my dad when he got home from work. I tripped until about 7 pm that night. But that's not really the important part.

Honestly I am pretty ashamed I didn’t really keep a report of this. This wasn’t a very pleasant trip. Made me want to stop doing DXM altogether. But I read back to my other trips, that were so pleasant and I realized that I need to give myself a break. DXM is a gift. We must respect it, use it, not abuse it, and use it for purposes that shall better ourselves, others, and our relationships with other humans.

DXM can be used to see inside ourselves and to gain insight on the outside world and the problems we encounter in life. I hate to see someone dangerously abuse this beautiful thing. 

THE FOURTH PLATEAU: July 9, 2009

Last night I had my first experience with the fourth plateau.

8:00pm Dosed 770mg in Robitussin Cough Syrup and a sheet of Coricidin Cold & Cough. The dose was potentiated with 2 tagamet and the prior day with 90 oz. of Grapefruit Juice.

The effects started coming on about 25 minutes later. It was the usual rush, I felt myself enter the 1^st, 2^nd, and eventually 3^rd plateaus. I slowly rose up through the 3^rd plateau. As soon as I hit just above midway, I had to excuse myself from stickam and go downstairs. I tried to lay on my bed for a moment, but I was having a faint feeling of nausea, urging me to retreat to the bathroom. I twisted on the faucet of the shower and went over to the toilet. I sat there staring at the shower curtain, flashes of black and white began mixing in. I would shut my eyes and still see the shower curtain. I stood, turned, and kneeled down in front of the toilet. What came next was a rush of the most chaotic and peaceful feelings I’ve ever had in my life.

I grabbed the sides of the toilet bowl and vomited into it. I was coming up hard to the top of the 3^rd plateau. As I gripped the toilet seat and rested my head on my forearm, I let loose another wrenching barf and was pushed into the 4^th plateau. Everything flashed a fuzzy black and purple, and I could see my friend, C,  in my peripheral, laying on his side, eating a mango, and watching me barf. My world went sideways.

The fuzzy purple and black soon turned to flashes of white and black again as I threw up several more times. C was still there with me, wordlessly telling me that I was fine and this was normal, I could take this. I was having extreme abdominal pain and cramps now, so much so that I wanted to jab a knife into myself to make it stop, but I didn’t. I threw up twice more and flushed it down. Things simmered back down into the top of a 3^rd plateau and I carefully made my way back to my room.

I shut the door and flopped down onto the bed in the center of the room. My back began tingling, and I could feel sweat beads forming all over my body. The next thing I knew, I was drenched in sweat. I began turning in my bed, clutching blankets and pillows and twisting sheets. I entered the 4^th once again as I  felt my bed envelope me. My vision sparkled black and blue and purple. I shut my eyes and I saw the details of my room vividly. I saw things that were behind me. I moaned in pain a few times and clutched my stomach as the cramps intensified. I lay in bed a while unmoving, slowly coming down from the 4^th back into 3^rd. I lay there focused, intent upon removing the abdominal pain from my body. I felt it rise up out of my stomach, freeing me. As soon as I felt the relief, the pain came back on.

I stood and walked upstairs, staggering to the couch. Laying down, I felt the cramps return. I cycled through the onset of the pain and the pain lifting away about seven times before I finally came down to a mid 3^rd and the pain released. I made my way back to my laptop and continued hosting. From here I came down quickly and gently. It was only 11:45 when I had returned.

I had a feeling of complete and utter inner peace. My soul was happy, I had finally found the answers I had been searching for with DXM. I felt understanding and strength in my being, a complete rejuvenation. I want to utilize my findings and put them into my everyday life. I want to help people other than myself. Eventually I would like to take a deeper look into the 4^th. I feel that there are more answers the deeper I go. I only got a small taste of the enlightenment this time. But I still appreciate it. I can do so much with what I have learned. This trip will always be with me.

Deliriants

  I took an interest in deliriants because it seemed like a good way to see the dark side of hallucinogens. I certainly got to see it. Although I never went above 475mg, I got more than my share of "fun" with deliriants. Here are my reports, short and difficult.


Note: Text written in [brackets] are side notes added at the time of compiling this blog entry.


1st Diphenhydramine trip: April 29, 2009

Took 100mg at 8:00, took another 100mg at 8:30, and then 50mg at 9:00 to top it all off at 250mg.

This shit hit me hard. It was, as my boyfriend [now husband], J, called it, a “warhellride.” I felt extremely sleepy.

The body high [more like body load] made me feel very heavy. When I stood, my legs felt like giant cement bricks, stronger than any dissociation I’d had before.

There was a big shadow on my wall that wiggled, the first time I saw it I almost flipped out from fear. It wasn't even ominous, it just looked like an owl.

I watched a poster diligently, encouraging some delirious visuals to occur. The lead singer of the band on the poster kept moving his lips a little here and there and smiling at me. The wall would slide around a little around it.

I drifted in and out of being awake. When I did this, I would hear distinctly familiar voices and get CEVs. Most or all of the hallucinations involved my college classmates. Also, I thought that J was talking to me on ventrilo... I was just rambling. Eventually it became too confusing, so I just logged off of the computer and went to my room.

I went to bed around 11 because I just couldn’t fight it anymore, I had been tired the entire week anyways.

I liked everything about this trip minus the sleepyness. I will look into if I can take caffeine with this to keep me awake. I want to try it again in about a month at a higher dose, 350mg maybe.

2nd DPH trip: May 29, 2009

Dosing:

11:00 pm 100mg

11:10 pm 100mg

11:20 pm 100mg

11:30 pm 100mg

11:40 pm 75mg

11:53 pm I was starting to feel that body load, feeling my hands moving slowly whilst typing. It hurt almost, I had to keep slow motions. I looked into the other room across from where I was, and I could see little tendrils and pieces of nothingness coming off of the details of the room, flickering almost.

12:10 am I decided to retreat back to my room. God I was such a weakling. I laid in bed with covers on top of me just looking around trying to remember that everything was okay. Feelings of doom slipped over me and I had a staring contest with another of my posters, one of Johnny Depp. I could never put that poster back on my wall after that night, it was so haunting. 

[I'm a pussy when it comes to DPH, can't cha tell? lol.]

12:25 am I was writhing on my bed, afraid to stop moving because when I started moving again, I had a jolt of pain go through me. I wrote on my trip report paper and it said "it suks to move."

Also: "i’m wearing a blanket but it doesn’t sry that"

Woke up the following day feeling worse than ever before. I had a horrible hangover which was exacerbated by food or anything more than water. I felt depressed, regretful, moody, and tired.

3rd Deliriant trip: Meclizine and Dimenhydrinate, June 7, 2009


[I tried Meclizine because I had read about its potential for abuse and I wanted to see if it would work for me. I know its not a typical deliriant kind of drug but it was worth a shot.]

10:33 pm I dosed 150mg Meclizine (Dramamine II)

11:11 pm No feelings whatsoever.

11:21 pm Stomach ache

11:36 pm I was just hanging out, feeling relaxed

12:30 am Felt very bored. Staggering 150mg dimenhydrinate every 30 mins.

1:00 am I don’t know if I should take more…

        ·      I feel the body high, no doubt

        ·      Minor hallucinations, things jumping, wavey

        ·      NO I WILL NOT DO MOAR.

1:12am I am tripping balls. Jumpy shit, waves, etc. This is really a great combination.

        ·      Body load - FFFFFFFFUUUUUUU

[From here on is quoted as it is written in my trip log]

118 I have moar fingers than I have use for

1122 my hand is like a piece of paper

·      also, hearing is WAT

1131 really lost wat

·      less drowsy, I’m moar crazy/delerium than anything else

·      talking and thinking is fucking out there.

138 yeaj about that

143 vivid audio hilorshinations

153 NO DRY MOUTH :D

Highlight the skyyyy

Just don’t touch me with that lamp and all of you will still be alive when you wake the fuck up

That wasn’t even a writing

With the people in sanfrancsisco, how do they hhold up their own kites and still reman a statue?

157Pops and crackles in my ear

201 :D

·      its easy on the heart too

205 hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

231 Going to try to sleep.

12:15 pm (next day) Woke up, hangover is present, no dry mouth, my body feels heavy and my eyes feel like stones in my face. No emotional effect, unlike with DPH. Much more pleasant than DPH. Less visual hallucinations and more of a fucked up mindset. I wonder how much the Meclizine actually worked into this.

Deliriant Trip 4 : 500mg of Dimenhydrinate, July 2009

I don't have a written log of this trip. But I will tell you that DMH is a fun deliriant. I don't think it produces quite the same feeling of doom that DPH does. But the effects are very similar.

More DXM, please!

Note: Text written in [brackets] are side notes added at the time of compiling this blog entry.


Second Trip: March 17, 2009

9:30 a.m. Took 6 oz. of Robitussin Cough. This will be a day trip.

10:52 a.m. I took a walk and it seemed like time was going so slow, like I was moving so slow, but I went down the street and came back in less than 15 minutes… Now I’m back in my room trying to get some CEVs going, and thinking of something fun to do. I got up and decided to go back outside. It felt so ethereal, I wanted to be there and see what it was like to be outside all day. 

I have this hat, its like a Russian-looking winter hat. Its supposed to be stylish but it looks pretty dorky. Its extremely comfortable when tripping, though. I put it on and went outside.  I laid on the ground outside with one of my dogs and everything was TEXTURES. I took a lot of pictures, the ones of me were terrible, I looked so strung out, but there were some really artistic ones. I played a lot with perception and angle. [I'm an artist and graphic designer, by the way.]

During this trip I felt truly at ease, filled with euphoria, and for the first time ever I felt like I was really in space.

THIRD TRIP: DURING CLASSES March 23^rd, 2009

I tried to buy some GF juice before school but the store near campus didn’t have any. So I just bought a cup of grapefruit. I ate that when I got to school, then dosed about half a bottle at 8:40ish.

[In order for Grapefruit juice to really have a major effect of potentiation on a DXM trip, you need to practically saturate yourself with it the day before and the day of, this I did not know at the time.]

Felt the effects kick in near the end of  our morning lecture, I tilted my head back and forth and it felt so cool and breezy like a had a weight in either side of my brain, or like I could feel my brain juices sloshing about. 

Told my close friend (and only one in college at the time), R, that I was dexed and he laughed. R is 29, married, and "grown up." I respect him and look up to him a lot.

I felt thick, fabulous euphoria for the majority of the trip. I wrote some text for my ad design for that class and  I talked to our instructor. I found this to be very amusing, as I dislike this particular instructor, she is extremely dense and can't read people to save her life.

The rest of the morning I was very talkative and full of energy. I listened to music, talked to a couple of people.

Came down around lunch and managed to eat a bit of food.

Sober at 1pm

Nice, will do this again.


Trip 4

Woke up at 9:30, started drinking grapefruit juice. A (my friend) picked me up at 10:45, and I dosed 354mg of DXM. We drove back to A's house and sat around in his basement for a while. The full effects set in about an hour later, we were breaking a bowling ball with a hammer and I just kept wanting it to be dark. It was alright though.

We went to a mall that was about 25 minutes away and wandered about, I bought some stupid things from Hot Topic and we mostly sat around just talking. When we were driving I was feeling godly, dancing around like an idiot and having fun.

In the mall, I was so fascinated by everything  that the new-age store had, it was like every store had everything! There was so much… but it was overwhelming at times and confusing.

A helped me feel much better in all of the "chaos" I perceived.

We went to see a movie about some family that lives in a house that's possessed. It really wasn't scary at all, and it felt like the movie only lasted 10 minutes, but it was actually 90.

An overall rough trip, but its interesting to dex in public on a low dose. Felt very chaotic, but could have been worse.

Trip 5

10:30 am. I had a HORRIBLE time trying to drink a 6 oz. Vicks and a 4 oz. Robitussin.

11:00 am. Somehow I managed to get down close to 600 of the 700mg intended, had to throw out some watered-down Vicks. Took 2 benadryl to prevent the itch. I will never try to drink that much syrup again. I had enough for a high second plat.

11:18 am. I started getting really fucked up, really fast. It came on so quickly and so hard, daaaammmn… I layed down and listened to music, scribbled in a notebook.

At 11:27 am I found myself listening to BlueJayWay by the Beatles. Usually I don't care for the Beatles, but I was enjoying this song.

11:34 am,  Listening to Does It Offend You, Yeah, I remembered it sounded like the best music on earth because of all the depth and the business of the song.

11:42 Listened to more music, started squirming around in bed and it felt so funny, the blankets and sheets were all tingly everywhere. Watched the visualizer on my computer, but it hurt my eyes after a while.

12:00 I kept trying to call a friend and text her, I have no clue how my fingers were working! Tried playing Final Fantasy XII, started drifting in and out of conciousness, this was quite possibly the coolest feeling of all. I would be there for a minute and everything would be fuzzy and when I talked it was like a tin can sound and then the next second everything would be black. I don’t know if maybe I just closed my eyes or something, but I know I couldn’t see.

1:00 My friend called me back while I was playing FFXII, she says I kept asking if she was my mom… I could almost swear she was. It was psycho. Her voice was really loud and tinny in my ear.

1:34 I found myself sitting in my room staring at the wall, at a painting of an animal I did  that was almost a profile view, and I would try to look at it and it looked straight-on. I had to sit there with one eye shut to try to get the double vision to stop, but some of it was still there.

[Thus I learned what pirate-eye was.]

I remember around this time I was running into walls and leaning on things, I have no clue how I made it up the stairs and down them without injuring myself. I went outside multiple times and walked around trees, took a few pictures that just weren’t as good as last time, although I didn’t use as much effort. I tried not to think too philosophically. I did write some stuff down about what “love” is, though. Usually that sort of stuff seems undefined to me but for some reason I thought I could deal with it while dexed.

I mainly lied around my room listening to tunes till 3:30, when I attempted to eat some food since my stomach was in some serious pain. I’m glad I don’t get too terribly nauseous when on DXM.

4:15 pm My brother came home and I was still pretty messed up but I was at least on my come-down. I was worried talking to him. I have a good sense of sober/dexed when I’m on it thankfully. I knew that if I talked anymore he’d figure something out. So I just sat and watched TV with him enjoying some faint OEVs.

I finally sobered up around 5:30.

My First Experiences with DXM

First trip: February 27, 2009 (310 mg)

9:05 p.m. Took nearly 3 oz. of Robo Cough

9:15 p.m. I feel fine, my mouth is minty from brushing my teeth after dosing, I think that the whole ‘not consuming anything substantial since lunch’ (and it was a light lunch) is going to make the dxm work faster… Maybe I’m just anxious but my typing is being retarded like every once in a while I skip a letter but I’m going back and fixing the mistakes at the moment. I’m just talking to Gary and Autumn and doing a little bit of texting. J

9:25 p.m. There’s a slight loosening feeling in my head, no major changes.

10:00 p.m. My legs felt barely wobbly as I got up to go pee… I wonder if I took enough?  I downed another half oz just to be sure I get where I need to be at some point. I most definitely will have a low 2^nd plat trip. I’m cool bro.

10:25 p.m. It took forever, but it finally hit me. My legs feel thicker and heavier. My movements are like moving a brick… yeah. Lol. Music sounds pretty good, I’m hoping it gets better.

10:37 p.m. I think I might be a bit impatient with this… but it’s been an hour and a half and I want it to just kick in full force already…. Why is it being a cunt???? I feel a bit itchy..

 10:58 I just walked around my room a little bit, I can tell that I am actually getting high, it doesn’t feel like how normal feels. I have to pee again for the third time since 9, how odd.

11:51… If that was a peak that was pathetic…… I feel almost normal again, I don’t know why its being like this, maybe I put too much into it or not enough, maybe I was too distracted? Maybe its not done yet… to the internet!

 It’s the next day at 10:42 a.m. No afterglow. I was definitely high last night. Mildly high. I had the robo-itch, mostly on my head. It did indeed feel wonderous when I scratched it. My legs were really wobbly and heavy, but definitely not enough for me to have a robot-like walk or anything. It was interesting to go up stairs. Listening to music was somewhat different, I felt it thumping throughout my body. The visualizer didn’t do much for me, so I just shut my eyes and relaxed. I was really relaxed… I was worried I would fall asleep but I didn’t. It was like I couldn’t. 

This felt very nice, possibly my favorite feeling of the trip, the relaxation. I watched Aqua Teen Hunger Force and enjoyed it, things looked slightly 3D every so often. I ran into my brother upstairs  just as I had peaked. Talking to him was easier, but it felt complex. I wasn’t angry, and I thought of him as a cartoon character. I sat and talked to him, then went back downstairs to my bed.

 I laid in bed feeling like I was sobering up, then I turned on music and relaxed again. The music still sounded nice but It wasn’t like before, sounded more normal. Finally at about 1 a.m. I was confident  that the trip was past the best part so I went to sleep.

I didn’t have any nausea, I thought the syrup tasted good. I could have taken more with no problem at all. The best description for this trip would be to say…. It was like being in a fish bowl. The biggest effect was visually. That is what reminded me of being in a fish bowl. I stayed in my room or at least in my house the entire time. Music was echo-y. No paranoia.

Looking back, I think that I only took enough for a solid low 2nd plateau. Next time I’m going to take a bottle and between a third and a half of another bottle.

This was a very good experience, I will definitely try it again. I was expecting too much from it this time, I don’t’ know if that effected how I experienced the effects, though. It left me wanting more. Next time, I think I’ll get that. 

Here's to a long, healthy romance with Dextromethorphan. 

Prologue to Dextromethorphan

A DXM trip is something that can be a very personal experience to the user in special ways. For me, it was my first drug, even before weed. The following are notes prior to my first dex trip. At the time I was 18 and attending college. I was also a very paranoid, depressed individual with no job, no car, and no money. DXM has changed my personality for the better. I had no drug experience and I had not researched drugs for recreational use before.
Note: Text written in [brackets] are side notes added at the time of compiling this blog entry.

Monday, February 9, 2009

After many months of wanting to try weed or shrooms, I’ve decided to try DXM (Robitussin). I’ve looked up quite a few links and experience stories to inform myself on the drug. At this point I believe I’ll take 4 oz. of OTC Tussin and it will give me a first plateau high. 

[I was wrong at that time, its actually a second plateau, I miscalculated.]

My two best friends, A and T have agreed to try it with me. A was into it from the moment I asked but T was like “What the fuck, lol?” but she’s also now comfortable with it now.

I am not very nervous about it, more excited. We are trying to plan for it to be over Spring Break. It will probably be at my house in my room since I think we will be most comfortable there. Or at least, I won’t freak out, since I’d be the most likely to get a bad trip from my subconscious paranoia.

We can’t have a trip sitter since there is no one else available that we trust. The only person I think would be ok to be a sitter would be someone who is across the country.

[Silly me, thinking that a second plat needed a trip sitter... Where did I get this idea??]

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Well, T and I got in a little misunderstanding this morning and I don’t think she wants to try DXM now... Maybe I’ll just test it this weekend by myself, I really don't fucking know. I don’t even have enough money to buy a bottle.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

T changed her mind, and is into it, now. She says that she needs a trip as bad as A and me. I read that it might give some temporary suicidal feelings. This made me consider having a trip sitter. But, as stated before, we don’t really have any options at the moment, which sucks. I’m pretty sure we are okay though. We won’t be going that high and it usually only happens at the high 2^nd-low 3^rd plateaus, we’ll be at low 2^nd.

A guy from one of my classes told me that DXM is a “rough one to start on.”

Thursday, February 19, 2009

 Change of plans – Gonna be safe and do a 1^st plateau for the first time. I just want a trip that will bring happy feelings.

[We all have to start somewhere, right? Eventually I learned.]

Monday, February 23, 2009

If there was ever a time I needed to dex it would be now. This entire month has been a damn roller coaster of bullshit. Last night I was supposed to be with W. [W was the guy I was hooking up with at the time.] Of course he never showed up, never texted/called to say he couldn’t come… Nothing. How very typical. This, on top of everything going on with my family and the fact that I'm literally a social outcast in my small college is really piling up on me. I feel so unimportant. I just want to let go and be free of this world. I just want to feel okay for a few hours. Just make it go away.

[I do not condone drug-use as a way to heal depression or self-esteem issues. In fact, its one of the worst things you can do, especially if you are weak minded or easily influenced. I'm lucky that it helped me instead of hurt me]

Friday, February 27, 2009

Two days ago I bought a 4 oz bottle of Robitussin Cough.

I just took nearly 3 oz, which will give me a high 1^st plateau feeling. The time is 9:05 p.m., by 10 p.m. I should be coming up.

I wrote down some reassuring things in case the trip gets difficult.

I can’t believe I’m actually doing this, lol.